8. Ask "Why" and Watch Your Life Change!!

Do you realize that one of the most important questions you can ever ask yourself is WHY? And ask it a lot!!

Hi, I'm Lisa Barry, a radio DJ who's been in pursuit of a fabulous life for 20 years and I'm here to help you get unstuck from an average life and give you the tools and secrets to create a fabulous one.

Why is WHY a good question? Good question! It's because WHY get's to the heart of a matter. When we were kids, asking WHY was the number one reason we learned so much as we did. We were curious. We had to know WHY things happened! But when we were kids, we were primarily asking about things outside of us. WHY doesn't the moon fall down, why does my sister get to stay up later than me? WHY can't I have candy all the time?

As adults WHY has an advanced application but not every adult takes advantage of it. Asking WHY internally takes us to deeper understanding of ourselves. It's a higher level of maturity that asks questions about our choices and conduct. WHY did I say that? WHY did that bother me? WHY did that make me feel brave? Adults have the privilege of self-awareness. Not only that, all of the greatest philosophers of history asked WHY of themselves all the time! So you're in good company!

But here's the problem. WHY is not always an easy question to answer when we're asking it about ourselves. We LOVE to ask WHY of other people though! Why did you do that? Why did you say that? Why now, why not? But we're less enthusiastic when those WHY questions get directed at us because WHY reveals motive, value, and intention. But...in order to live a fabulous life, we need to be honest about our WHY.

I'll warn you, this is going to be a little bit challenging. Why? Because we don't always want to face the fact that our answer to a WHY might not be very admirable. A truthful answer to WHY might reveal something we don't want to see about ourselves. But in every great movie, our hero always goes through this process...realizing they've had wrong assumptions and blind spots. We root for them while they stumble through their Ground Hogs Day trial-and-error through self-awareness and then cheer when they cross the finish line in victory as a better person.

It's not easy to be honest. But until we get honest, we're never going to have a fabulous life because we're living a two-dimensional life of pretend. We assume our motives are pure and altruistic. But because of that we're not getting to the heart of what we want and need. Have you ever been guilty of doing an act of kindness for someone, not because you wanted to but because you were trying to impress someone watching nearby? We all have. But denying that was part of the motivation is where we miss out on being self-aware. Here's proof. Think of the times when you've witnessed a person's less-than-admirable hidden agenda. If you jokingly pointed out what you think is the real motive behind their act, the one who admits to it will get your respect, but the one who defends their actions will get your quiet disapproval. Here's a universal truth: Other people have excuses. We, however, have reasons. See the difference?

After all that, you may be a little hesitant to do this next exercise. And that's ok because a Fabulous Life takes work and honesty. But don't think this is going to be a Debbie Downer either. If you're willing to take an honest look at WHY you want what you want, you'll discover some pretty amazing things about yourself. Yes, it might get a little uncomfortable here, but I promise you, it'll be worth it in the end.

Let's get started. I want you to take download the FABSHEET-WHY. But you'll also need FABSHEET-WANT that you just completed (if you haven't done that step, go back to the previous lesson and complete FABSHEET-WANT. Next, I want you to take your top 1-5 WANTS and transfer them to the 1-5 spots on FABSHEET-WHY.

Once you've done that, start with the first WANT. Just below it, you'll see the word "WHY?" On that line, I want you to write WHY you want that first WANT. For example, if your first WANT is "to be my own boss", your WHY might be: "Because I'm tired of somebody else calling the shots and telling me what to do." Ok, great.

On the next line, you see the word WHY again! This time, you need to ask WHY about what you just wrote. "Why are you tired of somebody else calling the shots and telling you what to do?" You might answer something like, "I had a boss who seemed indifferent to all the work she piled on us and any time I tried to point out the workload, she called it an excuse" Aha! Now we're getting somewhere.

Ok, now, it's time to ask WHY one more time. "WHY did your boss seem indifferent to all the work she piled on you and thought you were making excuses when you pointed out the work-load?" You'll probably have to think a while about these answers. The true answer usually won't surface right away. You might answer, "I think she's all about getting promoted and doesn't care who she hurts in the process, I just know that I want to be a boss that cares about their employees and treats them with respect." Voile! There it is!! There's a passion! Wanting to be a better boss than what you had. Acknowledging you've been hurt by someone. Feeling like you could do better for people if you just had the chance. That is a marvelous discovery beyond just wanting to be your own boss!

Do this for the rest of the Wants on your FABSHEET-WHY. And know, sometimes the WHY questions aren't easy to answer in an obvious way, but take your time. Sit and think. If you feel an emotion, tug on that string and keep tugging until you get to the heart of your WHY.