9. Something You Want is Sabotaging You

What if you found out that something you really want in life, was actually working against you? What if something you think is going to bring joy, is preventing it?

Hi, I'm Lisa Barry, a radio DJ who's been in pursuit of a fabulous life for 20 years and I'm here to help you get unstuck from an average life and give you the tools and secrets to create a fabulous one.

Now that you've had a chance to dig deep into the WHY of your WANTS, let's take a pause to consider why that was important. When we get to the bottom of what we want, we find ourselves. Our true selves. And we discover some of the things we want are birthed out of fear, greed, competition, and selfishness. When those things are in the soil, what grows out of that soil will be tainted with the same. Let me give you a few examples.

Some may have a 'want' to live by their children. That's perfectly understandable. But after going through the last exercise of asking WHY WHY WHY, it may uncover a hidden fear losing influence over their life, or wanting to have a similar level of parental control even though they are adults. It doesn't mean that's the entire motivation, but it's something that if not dealt with, could turn something that seems beautiful on the outside, into an unhealthy situation. And that will not translate into a Fabulous Life. It would be much healthier to take a look at the root cause of the "want" and reverse engineer it to heal the issue first and then move forward.

Here's another example from my own life. I want cute clothes. Yes, I know that's a bit shallow, but if it's the truth, it needs to be admitted. I love buying clothes. Once my husband said, "You don't have enough room in the closet for all these clothes!" I could have defended myself or taken offense, but instead I got honest about my WHY. Why do I want new clothes all the time? I have more clothes than I will ever wear! But when I got honest with my WHY, I realized, I buy new clothes because I don't like how I look. I carry some extra weight in my mid-section (thanks mom) and no matter what I buy, when I get it home and look in front of the mirror, it's an ok outfit, but I still have the same body with a curvy middle. I told my husband, "If I'm honest, I think I buy new clothes because I keep hoping I'll look different in THAT top, or those jeans. But getting honest with myself, the real issue is I don't have as much self-control as I should to eat better and exercise regularly. He thanked me for saying that. And I couldn't believe I had actually articulated it! It was growth!

Do you see how asking WHY and responding honestly will bring you to a better place? We all have strengths and weaknesses and they play a part in our daily lives so there's nothing to fear in admitting them. But one of the reasons your life might not have been fabulous up to this point, is because there's something hiding in your WANTS that's sabotaging you. Rather than picking a goal/want that's a band-aid on top an infected wound, asking WHY helps us realize that a wound needs triage and stitches. Then, you work on that issue before moving forward.

Take as long as you need on this section. Refer back to your top 5 wants and not wants often. They may change over time. And you may have to keep revisiting those WHY's to keep your focus where it benefits you most. Everything else from here in Create Your Fabulous builds on this firm foundation. If the blocks aren't solid, better to hold off building on them or at least go slow so you can be sure your foundation is in tact