How To Make Envy Work for You!

If money is the root of all evil, then envy is the root of all bitterness. I was th

e worst at envying other people. Whenever someone had something I wanted, I found a

way to gossip about them with purely fabricated accusations like being spoiled, greedy, self-absorbed, stuck-up and any manner of other derogatory adjectives. Whenever someone shared some accomplishment on social media, I would envy them too and feel smaller, less talented and wanting to criticize again. It was an unpleasant vicious circle. Then it would morph into feeling sorry for myself. It was paralyzing!

But one day, I realized the person I was envying was really giving me a gift, an opportunity. They had something I wanted! Instead of being bitter about that,

why not let it motivate me to do/get/strive-for that too? Instead of being frustrated, I should be thankful they identified something that might be meaningful to me too.

Once one of my radio colleagues published an article that was so good, but deep inside, I was envious. (I realize I'm painting a rather unpleasant side of myself but I'd rather be honest). It was so good and I felt untalented. For you it might be someone who has made a killing on YouTube or as an influencer. Maybe it's a person who is in great physical shape, or someone who has a job you would love to have. Or perhaps they have unlimited finances to do whatever they want. You may love to see what they have but it leaves you feeling bummed and maybe even bitter.

When I was feeling bitter toward my radio colleague, suddenly it dawned on me, "Lisa, the information in that article can make YOU better! Take what's in it and

leverage that for yourself!" I'm not sure why that didn't dawn on me sooner but am a slow learner at times. People who have talent I want are iron that sharpens my iron. For you, if it's the successful YouTuber, take copious notes about what they're doing and how they're doing it. Put that envy to work and use it grow yourself! That person who's in great physical shape...how did they do it? What's their daily routine? You might discover they have to workout 4 hours a day to get into that condition. What can you emulate from what they're doing? Regarding the person who seems to have unlimited finances to get whatever they want...that's something we need to just accept. There will ALWAYS be someone who has more money than you and always someone who has less. I know it seems like their live is fabulous because of that money but it's not. If their life is fabulous it's because they're doing OTHER things right. If their life is fabulous it's because they have a

solid foundation they built their life on. That's what I've been saying from the start, it's not the money that makes a great life. And if there's any lesson to learn here besides the acceptance that some people will always have more, it's a motivation to make wise financial decisions. Not necessarily "safe" financial decisions but an educated risk.

I am competitive. Make no mistake about it, but I have to manage it and redirect it into healthy avenues. Here's why. If winning is my only goal, then I'll despise anyone who's further ahead on the path than me. If winning is the goal, then I won't care who I step on to win or get ahead. But I do care. My foundation is built on principle where pursuing excellence is admirable, but if in that pursuit, I gossip about someone, ascribe ill motives to them or disparage them, I've left the path of excellence and cracked one of the bricks in my foundation

. My fabulous life just took a hit. If someone has a great talent for radio and writing, I need to value them, and appreciate their talent. If someone has made a killing as an influencer I need to applaud their hard work and then redirect any ire into a growth opportunity for myself...learn something new, or work for something I don't have yet, then the negative has been turned into a positive.

Here's a skill to learn to help you identify envy and turn it around. The next time you see someone who has something you want, or possesses a talent you don't have, honestly assess what exactly you're feeling. If you sense a bitterness toward them, ask yourself what is it they have? Write it down. Then write down, to the best of your ability, why that makes you bitter? Does it make you feel less talented? Less attractive? Less smart? This is a wound for you. You may want to do some additional digging if it is a wound.

Then, start writing out some ideas of how you can leverage that for your own good. In the case of my radio friend, there was a lot of good information in what he wrote that could help me grow as a broadcaster, if I could only get past my envy. So I did. I kept his article saved in an email folder and I reference it periodically.

Similarly, if someone has a thriving social media business, send them a note of congratulations on their success. A foundational principle of the fabulous life is to value people. If someone looking fabulous in a size 6 dress, I instead of finding something to criticize, I first compliment her. And by the way, complimenting someone you're envious of is the first step to conquering it. The steps that follow seem a lot easier. Then I ask what she does to be so healthy. I learn what I can from what she says and try to apply it. It's a win/win. I valued her as a person and I learned something to benefit me.